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22-Apr-2018 18:05

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The last three girls who fit this description all turned out to be lesbians. I am afraid that one day she is going to tell me she's gay too. But while almost all effeminate guys are gay—so stigmatized is femininity in males (even in the gay community)—masculine swagger in women is less stigmatized and therefore somewhat less likely to correlate as strongly with lesbianism.

The last girl with whom this happened told me it was my "Red Cross" mind-set that made me fall in love with girls who are insecure/sad/melancholy, so I have a sort of selection bias that excludes most straight girls I meet. She always talks with me about a new super-cute female friend. I have recently met another girl, super empathetic. Women with masculine swagger and men with feminine swagger are also likely to be self-conscious about their gender-nonconforming traits, particularly when they're young and/or not yet out, and that can read as melancholy and/or insecurity. Women—straight or bi or lesbian—don't need "saving." They need respect, they need to be taken seriously, they need bodily autonomy, and they need loving partners and political allies. Your girlfriend may be a lesbian—anyone could in these highly fluid days, even me.

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